>about 22 November 2009<


after less than a year of courtship, Hisham and I got engaged on Sunday, 22 November 2009. sometimes, when we meet a certain person in our life, we just know that everything feels right. that the person is THE ONE we want to spend the rest of our lives with. that is how i feel towards Hisham. i saw him and i liked him. i fell in love after i got to know him. =)



alhamdulillah. everything went well on that day. but the preparations for that small occasion started more than a month before. going to jb and back a couple of times to get the stuff for the gubahans. i was very much excited about the engagement that i did almost all of the gift trays MYSELF, with the kind assistance and supervision of my mum that is. hee. Hisham's tray was blue and silver while mine was red. we started with only 12 but in the end we ended up with more than that due to contributions from our family members and close friends. so, thank YOU.



at 3.30pm, his side reached Tampines. at this point, i was quite a nervous wreck. pacing up and down when i was supposed to be sitting down, all prim and proper. i really couldn't help it cos i was seriously VERY nervous.

and so... everyone arrived safely and sat at the living room. my uncle, Haji Sa'ad Haji Idris was our representative who welcomed Hisham's side. he did his welcome opening speech followed by a prayer recitation by my cousin Firdaus Khan who's a qualified Ustaz. i must say that his doa was so touching that i actually teared badly. but all was good and then suddenly it was time to put the ring on my finger!



Hisham's grandmother Hajjah Yamani, whom i adore so very much cos she reminded me very much of my late grandmother, came to where i was sitting and put the ring on my finger. she gave me a hug, kissed me on my cheeks and whispered some things into my ear which made me cry, again. it was such a special moment and i was just touched. plus, being a cry baby doesn't help. i cry at happy things too you know. hehe. ;P





then, it' time for some photo taking with family and friends who were present.

here's the fun picture with cousins, nieces and nephews.



here's the one with my good friends from secondary school. (excuse the guy cos he's the latest addition to the clan. hee.)



and here is the boy, who despite throwing tantrums when all the attention was on me, did his best to control himself and be the sweet boy that he is. Mama loves you so much Haris. you have no idea how much your kind patience and understanding meant to me. he told me that if i'm married to Hisham, he wants to call him Daddy. my heart melted when he said that to me. because at the end of the day, i want him to have a complete family. a mummy and a daddy who will love him more than anything. he adores Hisham and that makes it even special for me. with two H's in my life, what more can i ask for? i'm happy. alhamdulillah.



next up is the woman who made sure that everything went well for my engagement. despite her grumpy nature, i know she loves me alot and wants the best for me. my Ibu, Hajjah Nyai Saminah Ahmad, thank YOU for all the effort you put in to make me happy. fyi, my ibu is not the friendliest of persons but she did her best to make sure everyone and everything was taken care of. our photographer even made her smile during the phototaking sessions, which was amazing cos she rarely smile in pictures! ibu, i promise to continue taking care of you and to work hard so that i can give you a better life. you struggled to bring me and my siblings up and it's time that i repay your kindness while you enjoy living your golden years. i love you Ibu.



at around 6.30pm, after everything has finally settled down, Hisham came over to my place. it was nice to see him on our special day. in his blue baju melayu and songkok, my heart skipped a beat when he entered the door. so drama, i know. =P



we changed outfits and took some fun pictures. the best part is, i managed to convince my handsome malay boy, to turn indian for a while. please tell me that he looks cute in the kurta! hee. ;P



indeed, 22 November 2009 was a special day that will go down in my history books. it marks a step further into our relationship. we shall work hard towards making our big day yet another momentous, joyous and splendid occasion. =)

thank you to...

Ibu - for being the superwoman and making sure that everything was in order. your blessings towards Hisham and I is the most important thing and i'm glad you have been very supportive all these while. i love you Ibu.

Hisham - for accomodating to what i wanted for our engagement and being a sporting partner who is always full of surprises. you make me fall for you even deeper and harder each day. but i don't mind falling cos it's such a beautiful feeling with you.
thank you for the surprise proposal at my doorstep! *winks*

Haris - for being the bestest son that any mother can ever wish for. i'm blessed with an angel like you and i will do my best to make sure that you are happy. i love you, more than a million percent! ;)

Cik Faridah, Pakcik Sa'ad, Haziqah & Hilmi - for letting us use your place for the engagement ceremony. your kindness and patience towards everyone's needs is very much appreciated.

Makleen, Kak Rokiah, Rafi, Hadi & Muhaimin - for your kind help in the little things that were needed. Makleen, your mee siam was a killer and the kuihs you did was excellent, as usual. kak rokiah, your heart gubahan was really nice! rafi, the videos you took via my camera was a nice point of view to the ceremony. hadi, thank you for running errands whenever needed. muhaimin, thank you for putting up with your cousin, haris.

Mami Siti, Uncle Jamal, Firdaus, Abg Rahim & Umairah - Thank you for helping us whenever needed. Firdaus, your doa recitation indeed made everyone really impressed. i'm proud to have a cousin like you.

thank you to my boss Zakiah Halim and daughter for coming over.. also to Abg Hassan and wife, Kak Morni & husband, Kak Mariam and Abg Hisam, Kak Faridah and Farhan, Abg TG, Kak Linda, Irfan and Puteri, Kak Roslinda and family and my other colleagues who smsed despite not being able to attend my engagement ceremony. thank you for your kind support and words of encouragement.

thank you also to my kind sponsors!

Ridz from A Picturebook Wedding for sponsoring my engagement ceremony. everyone were complimenting your energy, friendliness and dedication towards taking the pictures. my aunties LOVE you. seriously. when i first met you last year through a friend's wedding, i was amazed at how hard you work in taking the pictures of the event. after checking out your works, i was really impressed as you managed to capture passing moments and emotions of those in the pictures. you don't just take pictures, you tell a story through your amazing shots. i'm excited to work with you again for my wedding!

Myss & Rynn from Simply Irresistible for sponsoring our engagement cakes! they made a pink Chanel handbag cake for myself and a blue car for Hisham. the cakes were soo cute and definitely unique. plus my mum was saying that it's not only good to look at but also very delicious to eat! their sincerity in planning for the cakes and listening to what we wanted made the experience a great one. they specialise in customizing your special cakes and will produce one of a kind cakes that you will never get at any other bakery! any queries, email them to myssaliana@gmail.com

Diah Mastura Roslan from StudioPerfect for making me look pretty!! thank you for sponsoring my hair and make up on that day. the reason why i chose you to do my make up is not only because i want to show support for a friend who's an excellent mummy and entrepreneur but also because her make up is simple yet elegant. she was such a joy to work with as she made me feel comfortable since the start of planning for the engagement. Diah accomodated to the look that i wanted and she delivered it really well. my deepset eyes are not easy to work with but she did an excellent job. i love the way she did my eyes!! so pretty!! hehe.. plus, everyone loved my make up and hair styling too! will post more close up pictures once i have it ya. meanwhile if you're interested in her services, please drop her an email at askstudiofrost@gmail.com



thank you to my dearest blog readers, followers on twitter, Warna 94.2FM listeners, supporters and general followers. your support made everything even sweeter. kadang kala macam tak percaya bahawa ada yang sudi mengikuti perkembangan saya dan ingin mengambil tahu tentang diri saya ini. terima kasih diatas sokongan anda yang tak putus-putus kerana ia memberi saya semangat untuk terus melakukan yang terbaik untuk diri saya dan juga untuk semua yang berada di sekeliling saya. =)

so there you have it. a summary of my engagement. it was a simple affair but very special and memorable. thank you agan to everyone who made it possible.

thank you for your kind prayers and well wishes for both Hisham and i.

we truly appreciate it.

i'm now officially taken! yeay!!!



cinta dan kasih sayang itu adalah satu pengorbanan. bila kita mampu membahagiakan orang lain, secara tidak langsung serpihan kebahagiaan itu akan melimpah ke diri kita. semoga Allah memberi keberkatan, taufiq dan hidayah-Nya kepada semua yang telah berkorban demi orang-orang yang tersayang dan juga kepada mereka yang pernah menerima pengorbanan pada suatu ketika dahulu.

we've sacrificed alot to make this engagement a step closer to spending the rest our our lives together. may Allah bless this special. Amin.



happy 5 days engagement-sary to me!!! lol.

and selamat hari raya aidiladha to all fellow muslims! =)
nona ; 12:55 PM
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>about the man i fell in love with<


the man who came up to me during Malam Warna 2008 in october and...

he asked, "You're 23 right?"

i replied, "No. I'm 24. And how old are you?"

he replied, "i'm 26."

we took a picture and that was it.



the man who attended Academy Radio 2008 in november and did something which made me remember him for quite a while. he knelt down while receiving his graduation certificate from me.

we took a picture and that was it.



then, after a long time...

it began with a telephone conversation which lasted 8 hours.

and the rest was history.

fate did its magic and...

i fell in love.



it's been a fairytale so far. everything feels right. =)

so let me just make this official here on my blog.

on Sunday, 22 November 2009, i will be getting engaged to an amazing man who taught me how to love again. i've never been so sure in my life... about someone. it's just crazy. but we shall go on this ride together. to live, love, learn and laugh together. may Allah bless this relationship. Amin.

hisham, thank you for being the best partner that anyone can ever wish for. God is kind because He gave me YOU...

"Kali ini kusedari, aku telah jatuh cinta, dari hatiku terdalam, sungguh aku cinta padamu. Cintaku bukanlah cinta biasa, jika kamu yang memiliki, dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku. Terimalah pengakuanku, percayalah kepadaku, semua ini kulakukan, kerana kamu memang untukku..." ~ Afgan, Bukan Cinta Biasa

terima kasih, Cinta. =)
nona ; 12:14 AM
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>about sunshine after the rain<


when something feels right, everything falls into place. even when dark clouds are hanging right above, you smile because you know that the sun will eventually shine.

i'm excited yet very nervous about what is to come. but i'm holding my head up high because i know that i will make this work. life is good only if you want it to be.

we shall learn not to whine and complaint about how things should be or should have been. but instead we shall learn how to appreciate and be thankful that we still have the opportunity to improve on what we have and make it better than what it was yesterday.

i'm thankful for being able to work in radio. something which i've dreamt of since i was 6. i'm thankful for crossing paths with Isadhora Mohamed (my current boss), during my internship with radio, who believed in me and gave the chance to prove myself in Warna. if not for her, i wouldn't be here. seriously. i love what i'm doing and i'm always doing my best to outdo myself each day. this job gives me different challenges and that is what makes it interesting. now, how many people get to talk on radio, play music, interact with listeners and gets paid for it? i'm blessed. alhamdulillah. =)

i'm thankful for being able to provide for my family. the struggles i went through as a teenager indeed made me stronger and constantly hungry for the better things in life. if not for the pain, success would not have been as sweet.

i'm thankful for having to love and lost. the good memories will indeed remain and the hurtful ones shall be a reminder on how strong i was to have gone through it.

if life were easy, we'd all be boring and lazy beings with zero motivation.

i'm really excited about the future. and so should you. =)

and to side track a little...

9 more days to go! yeay!



*happy dance*
nona ; 12:32 PM
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>about emotional cravings<


if you love someone, wouldn't you want to be with that person each day? to see that person each day? to spend as much time as you can with that person each day?

i dont get it ah.

giving too much space would be to allow your partner to have a lot of friends of the opposite sex and your partner starts to spend more time with them than with you. right? or even spending time with his friends of the same sex till late at night, much more than he hangs out with you? is that too much space?

i dont get it ah.

perhaps this is the reason why some people indulge in emotional infidelity. we seek attention from someone who is willing to give it to us. we want to feel good about who we are. we want to be loved and acknowledged for who we are. we want to feel validated and needed. so do we find ways to satisfy this attention craving disorder? or do we ignore it and just hold on?

i dont get it ah.
nona ; 11:29 AM
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>about loving your work<


oh goodness. it's been a while since my last entry. so little time, so much to do. but here goes...

the past few days has been really jam packed with work related issues and also self-discovery moments. but to sum it all up, i'm indeed thankful for being able to do the things that i'm currently doing.

i suppose my passion for the job supercedes the need to somehow find something better at this point. being a radio DJ makes you current. listeners tune in to us 5 to 6 days a week. we are closer and much more personal with our listeners due to the nature of radio in this present day.

i love my job. it keeps me occupied and it challenges me to keep doing better in my presentation and in sharing my knowledge with others. how many of us are able to say that we love what we are doing?

are you doing what you are doing because you love to do it or are you working because of something else? what i'd like to share today is how to love what you do and create success out of it.

from childhood, we learn that we have to work hard to achieve success. we also have learned that it takes lot of blood, sweat and tears to taste success. this is what our parents, elders, school and society teaches us, which gradually becomes our reality.

as we start to work, most of us think and believe that to work hard is something that we must do, but in reality we should be working on something that we love or like or are interested in.

life should be challenging and fun. this applies to both while we are working and enjoying a bit of leisure time. most people think and talk about pleasure when they are not working, but without work, the free time cannot carry the same value. if people are free for one year they definitely cannot enjoy the time. right?

highly successful people are the ones who do their work with lots of passion and excitement. if they are not enjoying and do not get excited, they cannot have the energy to move ahead every year. life can only succeed with passion and when that passion disappears, there is no more driving force left.

think of the love and passion you had in the past or for someone in your life. it can be love for a friend, or for someone fond in the past. it is so nice to meet them and to experience that lovely feeling all over again.

just imagine if you possess the same love and passion for anything you are working with. what do you think will be the result? you will smell this passion in the air and will attract more people who would like to associate themselves with you. now compare this with the person who only serves to get salary. you will soon realize who will be the more successful one.

if there is love and passion, anything is possible. think of Thomas Edison without his love and passion for electric bulb and definitely you will realize what I am trying to convey. this is what separates a performer and a mediocre person. the passion for work. there cannot be success without passion!

attitude is everything. think of children who love to be in the rain, till they hear their parents yelling at them. from that day onwards, the child relates rain with something negative. is your rainy day full of negativity or is it successful? this depends on what you choose!

like i've once said before, remember the joy you felt playing in the rain? it's an amazing feeling, right? remember the crush you once had, and how nice it felt to be in love and to have butterflies in your stomach?

feel that passion for what you're doing and success will come naturally. positive attitudes equates to positive outcomes.



if you don't feel that passion, perhaps you're not quite doing what you really are meant to do. ;)

and hisham, i'm proud of you for taking that big step and finally doing what you enjoy doing. well done dear! and... 18 more days to go!! yeay! ;)
nona ; 1:12 PM
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>about emotional independence<


i'm independent yet emotionally dependent. growing up in a difficult and challenging environment, means having to fend for yourself all the time. this hard-headedness and wanting to accomplish things all by myself is a strange trait developed slowly over the years.

i don't usually ask for help, because i'll do my best to get things done on my own and also because i don't enjoy burdening people with my issues. on top of that, having a big ego doesn't quite help. i'd rather suffer in silence and get over the pain by myself than to share it with someone else. selfish you say? but i'd like to think of it as independence.

however, when it comes to dealing with emotions, i have to admit i'm quite a mess at times. these negative emotions i have at times are probably brought out due to what i call emotional dependency. and this is following or reacting to the situation at hand and also towards other people.

i'd love to achieve emotional independence someday. i want to be free when it comes to choosing my emotions and moods. what would be excellent is to be able to choose your life and how you live and feel and what you do. an emotionally independent person is a leader. the dependent ones follow.

we need to learn the difference between true and false feeling, compassion and suffering. learn the causes of these states. determine the cause of our suffering. see the unfulfilled desires that cause your suffering. the desire to possess that which you cannot have. you want what you cannot have, therefore you suffer. that suffering is from our imagination, our ego.

i want and i can't have, therefore i suffer. so who is the cause of your suffering? external circumstances or our own minds?

i feel that suffering is caused by not accepting reality. think about reality and imagination. accepting reality is living in the realm of truth. therefore suffering is purely illusion in our imagination because it is caused by a refusal to accept reality, desiring what we cannot have.

have no unattainable desires and you will have no suffering. accepting reality is to; 'not desire what is not acquirable.'

emotional dependence is to; 'desire what is not acquirable.'

emotional independence is to; 'not desire what is not acquirable.'

emotional dependence is to imagine that everything and everyone belongs to you and therefore should respond to your needs so that they give you praise and never contradict you or complain about anything you do.

emotional independence is to acknowledge that every thing and person has its own destiny, life and rights and therefore nothing belongs to you. everything and everyone is free to be or say what they want, as you would like to be.

essentially, emotional independence is where you don't make someone else responsible for your happiness.

there are times when i feel so low because i care so much about how people think about me and how they react towards my feelings and needs. i get upset when things don't turn out they way i want it to, which shouldn't really be the case. i expect too much out of people i love and i hate myself for it at times...

with that said, i'm still learning to be emotionally independent. i need to acknowledge my shortcomings so that i can improve on it. i want to be balanced emotionally and very much contented.

so, the philosophy shall go like this:

you can think what you want, that will not change my life.

what I think WILL change my life.

I choose to be the master of my life, so I leave you to think what you want,

and I will choose my thoughts for myself.



i'm doing my best. are you?
nona ; 10:20 PM
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>about loving yourself like nicole would<


have you ever wished you were taller or prettier or skinnier or smarter or everything else that you're perhaps not? well, i have. it doesn't quite help that i work in an industry where looks indeed matter.

yesterday during project hope, i got to see quite a few big stars like the gorgeous ZOE TAY, Joanne Peh, Michelle Chia and the handsome Nat Ho, Adrian Pang and many more.. and you know what i realised about the females there?

they are all sooooo tiny and petite! seriously! i felt like a GIANT.

it was a little depressing at first, but after moments of reflection, i realised that there must be something about me for the producers to place me there at the celebrity phone lines area beside other stars... all that, despite me being not so tiny like the rest.

my point is, if you're good, then people will look at you. hide those insecurities and work on polishing your strengths. self-confidence takes effort. i used to be a tomboy in school. i was never the prettiest. i was fat as a kid and teenager. but my strength was in speaking well.

as i grew older, i learnt about grooming and that helped me realise the importance of looking good to create a lasting impression on people you meet. i started exercising, eating healthily and lost quite a bit of weight. till today, i still push myself to workout at least 3 to 5 times a week, despite the weight plateauing for the longest time.

love your self and your body. yes, loving the way you look is accepting the realistic perception of your appearance. you shouldn't feel bad just because you don't look like nicole scherzinger. work towards being in good physical shape and that will be best. the reward will be a beautiful healthy body.

i might not turn skinny like kate moss. but the least i can do is to tone up and look healthy, not malnourished. i still struggle with self-confidence but i'm working on it each day so that i can be a better individual and also kinder to myself.

self confidence comes from what you believe about yourself and others. if you believe everyone can do it better than you, then you underestimate your own ability.

believe that YOU CAN DO IT! and others are not better than you!

remember that NO ONE is perfect.

learn to be comfortable with yourself and who you are. can?

.
.
.

but of course...

secretly, i do wish that someday i'll be as hot as nicole scherzinger. haha! ;P


nona ; 2:49 PM
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>about positivity masking negativity<


i think i might be schizophrenic at times. there's a part of me that enjoys meeting new people, exploring new things and interacting with the world out there. but there's also this other part of me that'd rather be cooped up alone, away from everyone and everything while appreciating silence. this dual personality of sorts needs to be switched on and off automatically, depending on the situation. it can be tiring but i'm doing alright so far. a social hermit would be an oxymoron but that's indeed what i am for now.

in any case, the weekend has been crazy. emotionally challenging and physically demanding. but meeting amazing people and being around wonderful people makes it worth the ride.

sometimes i wonder how i've managed to survive this far. this bubbly and positive outlook shields the vulnerability of a fragile and emotionally battered soul. but i choose not to let the dark overcome me. people think i'm doing really well but people don't see what's on the other side. and i shall keep it that way.

i've always wanted to be a role model in any possible way i can. i know i cant change the world. but at least i can push those around me or those who know me towards growing into a better person each day. =)

what i'm saying is that it's alright to feel down or terrible about yourself and the state that you're in. but don't ever make it as an excuse for you to not move on and achieve greatness. remember that the strength of character is built through adversity. you have your story and i have mine. let's live it to the fullest and come what may.

have a good week ahead everyone!

+++

" i want to jump into the deep blue ocean. face the sky. open my arms and drown. listening to the endless echoes of the creatures beneath. embracing the darkness and slowly fading away..."
nona ; 12:54 PM
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>about pausing and absorbing the little moments of happiness<


life has been stagnant, but enriching so far. i'm still learning how to achieve emotional satisfaction from day to day. if i were to think about the negative aspects of my life, i'd probably be one messy and depressed lady. i'm sure there are happy moments in our life that is good enough to boost our spirits.

i suppose we must really learn to take time to stop and truly appreciate the good things that happen to usevery day.. the view from our windows, the sound of thunder and rain, the laughter of our children, a good joke, the adrenalin we get from a good workout, lonely bus rides or simply whatever makes us feel joy and evokes positive feelings also helps to boost our overall satisfaction with life. it also helps build resilience that will take us through tough times, and help fight off depression while managing stress.

when was the last time we walked in the rain?

when was the last time we played hide and seek?

when was the last time we lied down on the ground and gaze at the sky above?

do you remember how good it felt to do all those things?

the happiness, the adrenalin rush, the contentment that those little things brought along is an amazing feeling.

as we grow older and bestowed with various responsibilities, we must not forget our inner child. the innocence in simply wanting to be happy.

yes, you can work hard, be productive and achieve success. but if you're unable to pause for a while and take your mind off work to do something that will make you unconditionally happy, then perhaps you're not living life to it's fullest.

as for me, i'm still learning to constantly find happiness in uncertainty. it hasn't been easy but i will do my best. good things will come. insya'Allah. =)

have a good weekend everyone!
nona ; 12:51 PM
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>about conquering, controlling and banishing fear<


we cannot erase history because there's too much to learn from past experiences and happenings. therefore, i've added the blog archives on my sidebar.. for my dear readers to read my previous entries and reflections. feel free to read. and perhaps even judge. go ahead. i'm ready. ;)

thank you everyone for making the effort to come along for the movie. it's these little bonding sessions we have that makes our family even stronger. we might be small in numbers but we are big on strength and love. =)

strength conquers fear.
strong minds controls fear.
strong willpower banishes fear.

we all have our fears. losing our loved ones. losing our jobs. losing money to failed investments. losing our hopes for a better future. losing our faith.

we fear so many things that sometimes seem uncertain. this fear can either overcome us or make us even stronger. it's how you convert that fear into a tool to push you forward. to strive and excel in whatever you do. to be better than what you are today. to perform better that how you did yesterday or the days before.

we all have phobias at some stage of our lives, its part of who we are, it's what drives us. however, even though we all have it, some have it more than others for various reasons. many will deal with the psychology of failure in an analytical way but some will just crumble under the pressure, its quiet common for some to give up before they even start.

if you succumb to that fear, then you will fall back into the safety net and continue living in the rat race. to work and make ends meet. be safe or take risks? you decide on which path that suits you best. fear hinders greatness but it also propels towards it.

if we choose to face fear, we will walk out a better man. despite overcoming it or not, it's the act of looking fear into the eye and getting through it that makes us more enriched as a person.

if you fall. get up and continue walking. don't sit down and cry at the reasons that caused you to fall and wait for someone to pull you up. this is your journey. and along the way, you will find people who will run with you, lead and even pace your walk. life will never come easy. it's the bumpy journey that makes it exciting.

i truly feel that life is too short for what-ifs. i've got so many fears myself but i choose not to focus so much of my energy on it. convert that energy into positivity and look forward to grooming and exploring your potentials to a higher level.

"A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. And from the condition of the world we can see that unfortunately there are some very good teachers."

fear not my friend, for God will always be with you. Insya'allah. =)
nona ; 11:48 AM
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